


While You Were Sleeping (ft. Rafael Barba)

by KrisLetang



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Accidental Engagement, Coma, F/M, Idk how to tag this fic basically lol, Lonliness, Meet the Family, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-27 05:11:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang
Summary: Basically a shameless take on the Christmas movie While You Were Sleeping starring Rafael Barba and the squad with a bit of a twist basically.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically this is a humorous little thing I started to write because I super love While You Were Sleeping. Its a bit different than the movie towards the end and kind of throughout cause I love Rafael and he's no Peter lol. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy. The second half of this might not be up for awhile with this weekend and how long it takes me to watch the movie and then write this the way I need it lol. Hopefully I'll have it done soon.

You watched as the hoards of people pushed their way onto the train. You already wanted to go home. It was cold and too early for any sane person to be awake, but who were you kidding, even if you were home there would be no one but your cat to keep you company. At least here you had some form of human interaction. You quickly were distracted by new customers, and then you stared off at the still dark sky for a while. You almost had a heart attack when something hit your ankle, almost making you fall down and smack your face off the counter. “What the fuck Chels-” 

“Y/N, your fancy pants boyfriend is here,” your coworker teased in a sing songy voice. You immediately rolled your eyes, 

“He’s not my boyfriend Chelsea, shut up,” you grumbled, but you found yourself scanning the terminal for him, was it 8:00 already? The first time you had seen him, he had been rushing to catch the train, his green eyes barely meeting yours as he forked over his token and barely made it on in time. You looked forward to seeing him everyday, it was a nice break in your boring job, and he was always there without fail between 8:01 and 8:15, Monday through Friday, a cup of coffee in hand and clad in what appeared to be expensive Italian shoes and three piece suits. If he would make it there a few minutes early, he might smile at you or say hello before going through. You spotted him walking leisurely towards you, his eyes glued to his phone which he quickly brought up to his ear and began speaking animatedly into. He smiled softly when he saw you, dropping his token into the slot and heading onto the platform and then he was gone, and you were left alone to day dream once more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

Sitting in your apartment, alone with your cat, watching Netflix for the evening was getting old, so you figured you might as well get some Christmas decorating in. You strung up lights around the window sill, soft Christmas music playing in the background until your buzzer sounded and you were alerted to the fact that the delivery man had left your tree in front of the damn building. You groaned, flopping back on your couch, how the hell were you supposed to get the fucking thing up to your apartment. After about a half hour of contemplating, you finally tied a rope to it and tried to pull it up through the window. It seemed like the easiest way to get it inside. So there you were, pulling on the rope that felt like it was attached to an elephant and talking to your cat while freezing cold air came through your window. “45 dollars for a Christmas tree and they don’t deliver,” you grumbled, grunting slightly as you pulled some more. The stupid little thing was heavy, “You order 10 dollars worth of Chow mein from Mr. Wan’s and they bring it to your door,” Percy, your mostly grey tabby, just stared back at you from his perch on the couch. You heaved again, but your arms were quickly becoming sore and it was only maybe half way up. This, you decided, had been a dumb idea, but who the hell could blame you for wanting your little place to feel a bit more like a home. “Ooh, I should have gotten a blue spruce, they’re lighter,” you hissed to no one in particular as you pulled again. You took a step back to hopefully get it up a bit more, but instead your foot landed on a cord, sending you falling back onto your ass and losing your grip on the rope. A sinking feeling of dread encompassed you as the rope went flying out the window and the sound of glass shattering filled the apartment.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

“Nature of Claim….Christmas tree through window,” your landlord, Joe, said, frustratedly, “How am I gonna put that on my insurance?” You stood there awkwardly, feeling bad about the whole thing. You uncomfortably played with the tablecloth, why couldn’t you have just carried the stupid thing up the stairs, “They’re still pissed about the fire we had when Joe Jr. barbequed in the stairwell,” that made you laugh a little before commenting, 

“I missed that one,” 

“Oh great sausage,” Joe commented, turning back to the paper. 

“Look, I-I’ll pay for this,” you said, knowing full well that you probably couldn’t afford that, but it was the least you could do considering the circumstances. 

“It’s okay Y/N,” Joe replied with a sigh, “My brother Junior is in the glass business,” you still felt guilty, but you were grateful. You really didn’t have the money to pay for that window. 

“Oh, hey, I almost forgot,” you said, reaching into your pocket and pulling out the little present you had bought the last week and handing it to him, “Merry Christmas,” you started to head out, your face slightly flushed with embarrassment, 

“Oh Y/N, you didn’t have to do that,” Joe said, but the smile on his face made it worth it. You just loved giving other people presents, you couldn’t help yourself especially at Christmas time, but today, instead of staying to enjoy his reaction, you just wanted to get out of there and go hide under a rock somewhere.

“I wanted to,” you assured him, still inching towards the door, 

“I haven’t even gotten to my shopping,” he said, looking down at the little present.

“Pa, can I give that bottle of Blue Nun you got from Cousin Ornella to my probation officer?” You looked over at Joe jr, your landlord’s son who made his way into the room. You shook your head slightly, he always was hitting on you, but you couldn’t be further from interested in the young man. He was a bit rude and pushy for your tastes, and while he was funny at times and nice, he was definitely not your type. 

“Don’t ya see we got some company?” Joe asked his son, and that was when Joey noticed you standing in the doorway. He smiled a bit and straightened up, 

“Hello Y/N,” he said, trying to sound smooth. You nodded, slightly amused at his behavior, “Nice, uh,” he paused looking your over for a good few moments as you waited for him to finish his statement, a small smile playing at your lips, “Sweater,” he finally settled on complimenting your shirt. 

“Thank you,” you replied, a little uncomfortably, 

“It’s over there,” his father interrupted, pointing out the bottle of liquor he was looking for. Joey sauntered over to the cabinet, swinging his hips a little more than necessary, and you couldn’t help but laugh a little, “You’re a nice girl,” Joe commented softly, stepping closer to you, “Joe jr. is still single,” As the younger man squatted down, his pants falling and his shirt riding up, you couldn’t help but reply, 

“Yeah, it’s a shocker,” You with Joey? That was a big no.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

You stood out in the frigid air, reading through a news story on your phone, “What are ya havin’?” the hot dog vendor asked, startling you. You hadn’t realized you had made your way to front of the line so quickly. 

“Uh, the usual,” you said, slightly flustered. The vendor kind of looked at you annoyed, 

“And what’s that?” he asked. You sighed, your cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment which seemed to be your sole emotion lately besides loneliness, 

“Uh, ketchup and a coke,” you clarified. 

“Y/N!” You looked up to see your boss, Jerry rushing towards you, “Y/N, Y/N,” he was laughing almost too excitedly as he got closer. You weren’t stupid, while you and Jerry were friendly, it was obvious that he wanted something from you, “Boy am I glad to find you here,” 

“I was hoping to find me in Bermuda,” or anywhere that wasn’t negative five degrees for that matter. 

“Bermuda, oh that’s good,” Jerry said with a chuckle, reaching into his coat for something, “I am recommending you for employee of the month,” he turned towards the hot dog vendor, “The usual,” you frowned slightly when the man nodded and began to get Jerry’s food, 

“Really?” you asked, smiling slightly, maybe this was genuine after all, “I didn’t know there was an employee of the month,” Even if there was, what had you done to deserve it anyways. You showed up for your job and did what you were told, but you weren’t anything special. Jerry just put on a pair of glasses and started to read from a piece of paper, 

“Supervisor Jerry Wallace, nominates Y/N Y/L/N for employee of the month. Y/N is never tardy, always works holidays, even if she worked the previous holiday,” you practically rolled your eyes at that. Now you knew where this was going. Jerry hid his face behind the piece of paper, his voice getting slightly softer as he confirmed your suspicions, “Even though she worked Thanksgiving, Y/N is willing to work Christmas too,” You shook your head, 

“Jerry, I am not working Christmas,” you insisted, grabbing your hot dog and coke and starting to walk away from him as you picked onions off of it. 

“You get a nice plaque with the Mayor’s stamp on it,” Jerry called, rushing after you. 

“I didn’t vote,” you retorted, still walking away, but he wouldn’t take the hint,

“You get to ride on a float St. Paddy’s day,” 

“I hate parades,” you grumbled, still wondering how the hot dog vendor could have screwed this up. Only ketchup was not that hard of a request. 

“Did I mention the extra holiday pay?” Jerry persisted, 

“I hate you,” Jerry cut you off, and you looked up at him, frowning, 

“Y/N,” he pleaded. You glared, but let him talk, “Look, Kelly is sick and Chelsea can’t switch because she has some big family thing, and I promised my kids I’d be there for them this year,” Once again, you knew exactly where Jerry was going with this, but you hoped to God he wouldn’t actually say it outloud. 

“That stinks Jerry,” you said softly. 

“I know it isn’t fair, and I can’t make you do it, but Lucy, you’re the only one…” he trailed off, but he had implied exactly what you had been hoping could be left unsaid. To his credit he did look slightly embarrassed, 

“Without family,” you finished, looking down. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

You sat alone in your booth, the platform empty, Christmas music playing from your phone as you counted down the hours until you could get out of there. It was warmer in your little booth than outside at least. You watched as the snowflakes fell, drumming your fingers on the table. At least at home, you had Percy to keep you company. You sighed softly, seeing someone approaching you out of the corner of your eye. You didn’t look up even as the token was dropped, “Hi,” it was only then that your head shot up, you coming face to face with your mystery man. He was smiling, clad in a nice grey three piece suit, his tan overcoat and a red scarf, “Merry Christmas,” Your tongue was tied, and he was gone before you could reply which left you sitting there cursing yourself. You wanted to bang your head off the counter, you just had a chance to say hi, to introduce yourself to the handsome man who you had daydreamed about. 

“Nice coat, Merry Christmas to you too,” you whispered to yourself bitterly as you watched him walk away, “You’re beautiful, will you marry me? I love you,” you groaned, knowing you sounded ridiculous, you didn’t even know the man, but you couldn’t stop yourself from dreaming. Suddenly you heard some commotion, and looked up to see two men flinging your mystery man’s scarf off of his neck and shoving him slightly. Another shove and he let out a startled yell before falling onto the tracks. You swore softly, jumping up to your feet, and racing to get out there. The two men were already fleeing the scene, but you didn’t have time to worry about them. You needed to get the handsome stranger off of the tracks before a train came. You just barely managed to avoid tripping on his briefcase as you reached the area right above where he was sprawled out on the ground, “Somebody help me please!” you called, but no one was there, “Sir,” you called, praying to God that he would open his eyes, “Sir, hey, can-can you get up,” he wasn’t responding, “Oh sir, this is not good,” you were babbling as you lowered yourself down onto the tracks. You crawled over, leaning over top of him, “Are you breathing?” you tried to feel for breath by leaning your head down by his, “Oh god you smell good,” you hoped he couldn’t hear your nervous words. “Please wake up,” you begged, stroking the side of his face with your hand, his hair was so soft, “Please, please. Can you wake up, can you hear me,” Panic began to consume you as you heard the telltale honk of an incoming train. “Oh God,” you hissed, “Wake up-somebody help me please,” you were so desperate. You grabbed the lapels of his coat, “Mister, there’s a train coming and it’s fast. It’s an express,” he wasn’t waking up, and the train was getting too close, so you just grabbed him tight and rolled as hard as you could, praying that it would work. You finally let out a breath when you realized you were laying on top of him, under the platform. You honestly couldn’t believe you had made it out of that alive. He stirred slightly, his head turning, eyes fluttering until you could see just a little bit of that gorgeous green color. “Hi,” you whispered, stroking his cheek in a way that you hoped was comforting. It didn’t last long, his eyes rolling into the back of his skull once more, his head lolling back on the ground. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

There were so many people in the waiting room as you rushed up to the front desk, “Hi, um, excuse me, a guy-a man was brought in-” 

“What’s his name?” the secretary asked kindly, “I need to know his name,” 

“I don’t-He’s right there,” you said, pointing through the sliding glass doors where he was strapped to a gurney and being wheeled around. You started walking towards him despite the woman’s objections. A male doctor stuck his arm out, blocking your path, 

“Woah-Woah, you can’t go in there,” he said. 

“No, no, you don’t understand,” you said hastily, trying to explain the situation, 

“Are you family?” the doctor asked, sending a pang of loneliness through you, 

“No,” you replied, peering over his shoulder to keep an eye on him, 

“Family only,” he insisted, 

“No, no, you don’t understand-” you were getting nowhere with this guy, 

“You wait there,” he said, pointing towards a seat before heading back through the doors to help get the man stabilized. You stood there looking through the glass at the handsome mystery man, 

“I was gonna marry him,” you whispered to yourself. A redheaded nurse startled you, 

“Here ma'am, come with me,” she said kindly, and you just did as she said, unsure of where to go or what to do otherwise. She placed an arm on your shoulder, leading you to his room. He looked so peaceful in the bed, the gash on his head cleaned up and shut. His eyes were closed, a steady beeping sound coming from the machines in the room. You took a seat beside him, “Let him hear your voice,” the woman suggested, so you listened, wanting to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone. 

“Hi,” you whispered, reaching out to touch his shoulder, “Um, everything's gonna be okay, I know it,” 

“Excuse me ma’am,” a man’s voice startled you, and when you looked over, it was a police officer who had entered the room. “Sorry, but I need to ask you a few questions,” he explained, so you stood up to speak with him. 

“Officer, am I interrupting?” another man asked, he was clad in a white lab coat, obviously a doctor. 

“Oh sure,” the officer said, “I’ll be right over there,” he pointed out the spot he would wait in before walking away and leaving you with the doctor, “I’m Dr. Blueman,” the man said, shaking your hand. You had no idea what the doctor could want to say to you, but everything was happening so fast, 

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you said, hearing a commotion in the hallway, 

“Y/N,” the doctor repeated, 

“Don’t tell me about passes! Where the hell is he?!” the loud voice in the hallway startled you as a hoard of people entered the room. 

“Oh, he’s so pale,” 

“Is he going to be okay? What happened?!” There was a woman who looked to be in her fifties or sixties, and judging by the way she was rushing to him, it was likely she was his mother. She was followed by a littler, old woman, a blond haired lanky young man, a tall woman with short brown hair, a bigger african american man, and a young blond haired woman. A man with salt and pepper hair was trailing in at the back of the group, seemingly trying to catch up with the first woman. 

“How is he?!” his mother asked, 

“You can’t come barging into this unit,” the doctor said as you tried to slip out and away from this. He had family here now, he didn’t need you. 

“What happened, what’s going on?” the blonde haired man asked, 

“He’s in a coma,” the doctor explained, and his mother started to cry. 

“On Christmas day,” she turned towards the salt and pepper man, clinging to his arm, 

“Now Lucia, just calm down and let the doctor talk,” he whispered softly. 

“His vital signs are strong, his brain waves are good,” the doctor explained, but you could see the horror on everyone’s face, and you couldn’t blame them, “I think he’s gonna get through this,” 

“Are you a specialist?” the woman with short brown hair inquired. 

“How did this happen?” his mother asked, starting to cry again, and with out thinking you replied, 

“Um, he was pushed from the platform at the train station,” everyone turned to look at where you were standing in the back and you internally cursed yourself. 

“Who’s she?” the salt and pepper man asked, looking to your mystery man’s mother for an answer, 

“She’s his fiancée,” the nurse said, frowning. 

“Fiancée?” his mother repeated softly. Your eyes widened, and you held up a finger trying to get everyone’s attention. Why the hell would she say that. 

“Yes-” 

“Rafi’s engaged?” the older woman asked softly, 

“What, Barba never said anything about-” 

“I thought-” the nurse started to say turning towards you as everyone started talking, 

“What-no, wait,” you tried to correct, but no one was listening. They were instead all talking over each other, 

“Maybe he was busy,” the older woman said, 

“He’s always busy,” his mother replied softly, “But I doubt he was too busy to tell his own mother he was getting married,” The woman who you believed was his grandmother sunk down into a seat, 

“Is she okay?” the doctor asked softly. You were freaking out. How the hell did-what were you supposed to even say to correct this, 

“She’s got a little heart problem,” his mother explained, “She’s had three attacks already,” You were practically shaking at this point, and then in came the young doctor who had prevented you from seeing him earlier, 

“Doctor, what is she doing in here?” he asked pointedly, and oh god, now they found you out. 

“Hey, buddy, she saved his life,” the police man intervened on your behalf, 

“You saved his life?” his mother asked softly, looking up at you like you were a million dollars. You wanted to cry on the spot, no one had looked at you like that in-well-in a very long time. 

“Yeah, yeah, but-uh” you were unsure of how to respond, it was such a crazy story, and they somehow still thought you were his fiancée,

“I thought he was pushed from a train platform,” the african american man commented, 

“She jumped on the tracks,” the cop explained, and you could feel yourself reddening from all the attention, nervously fiddling with the sleeve of your sweater. 

“You jumped on the tracks?” the brown haired woman asked, incredulously. 

“Doctor, it’s supposed to be family only,” the young man said, his eyes wide, 

“She is family,” his mother exclaimed, and you felt your face burning. It probably matched the color of his scarf at that point. 

“She’s the fiancée, you idiot,” the doctor hissed, and you stepped up. You had to end this...now. 

“Okay, I’m sorry, you don’t understand-” you started to say, but his mother was right there and she was smiling at you, 

“He’s always so busy, so we didn’t know. I always wanted him to find a nice girl,” and then she was hugging you and crying, “I’m so glad he found you,” and all you could do was hug her back as the rest of the people crowded around you. You didn’t even understand how this had happened, much less how to fix it, and then his grandmother was hugging you, the man with salt and pepper hair had a hand on your shoulder, and it was just a giant mess. Once you escaped their embraces, you dragged the nurse out into the hallway, 

“W-Why did you say that?” you asked, on the verge of tears, 

“Say what?” the nurse asked, just as confused as you were at the moment, 

“I’m not his fiancée,” you said. This was a nightmare, 

“Then why did you tell me that you were?” she asked. You wanted to throw your head back in frustration, 

“We’re not engaged, I’ve barely even spoken to the guy,” you exclaimed in a strained whisper, 

“B-But down stairs, you said that you were going to marry him,” the nurse insisted, and you groaned, dropping your head into your hands, 

“Geez, I was talking to myself,” 

“Well, next time you talk to yourself, tell yourself you’re single and end the conversation,” she suggested. You breathed out a sigh, feeling more pathetic than usual. 

“What do I do?” you asked softly, and the woman did look at you sympathetically, 

“I don’t know,” 

“She held me so tight, I-I, ya know what, I couldn’t tell her,” you whispered. You hadn’t been hugged like that in so long, you couldn’t bear to look them in the face and tell them that you weren’t in fact her son’s fiancée, 

“I know,” 

“Excuse me, nurse,” the brown haired woman said, coming up behind you, “Is there a pharmacy in the hospital?” she asked, and you couldn’t help but cover your face with your hands, 

“What do you need?” the nurse asked. 

“Oh, uh, his grandmother, she needs some nitroglycerin,” the woman said,

“Oh, for her heart problem?” the nurse asked, 

“Problem?” she said, “From what Lucia has said, it’s more like problems. You know something?” she said, turning towards you. Your eyes were bugged out, this just kept getting worse and worse. If you told them now, you’d probably kill his grandmother, “I think you saved her life, in fact I think you saved Lucia’s life. If Rafael hadn’t made it-well we can’t thank you enough for saving him,” You stood there, frozen in place as the nurse led the brown haired woman down to the pharmacy. 

The whole situation only grew more awkward as you sat in the the waiting room, the blond haired man who you learned was named Sonny next to you. The brown haired woman...Olivia? She sat across from you next to the african american man and the blond haired woman. His mother, Lucia was sitting next to the man with salt and pepper hair who you still didn’t know the name of. His grandmother, who had promptly told you to call her abuelita, sat not far from Lucia. They were all watching you with big smiles on their faces and you just wanted to run away and hide. You had no idea what to say or do, sure that they would find you out. “I’m sorry, can we go over names again?” you said softly, 

“Of course darling,” his mother said kindly, “I’m Lucia, you can call me mom if you want, this is William,” she gestured towards the salt and pepper haired man. 

“I’m Liv, I work with Barba,” the brown haired woman said kindly, “And this is Fin, Amanda, and Sonny,” 

“And my mother, Catalina,” Lucia added, gesturing towards his grandmother. You had heard so many names being thrown around, you weren’t even sure what your “fiancé’s” name was. You thought you had heard his mother call him...Rafi, but you had also heard Rafael and Barba. You figured Rafael was a safe bet. 

“Okay, I’m Y/N,” you replied and then you went quiet again, worrying with a string on your sweater. 

“So, tell us how you met Rafi,” Catalina said with a smile, and you tensed, silently cursing your entire existence. This was going to get bad quickly, 

“Momma, she doesn’t want to talk about that right now, okay?” Lucia said, and you looked down, your head was starting hurt. 

“Why not, we could all use a nice story,” Catalina replied, 

“Well how do you know it’s nice?” the salt and pepper haired man said, a knowing smile on his lips, 

“Why shouldn’t it be nice?” Sonny piped in, suddenly very interested in this conversation, 

“What about that other girl? What was her name, Yelina something- ow,” Lucia shut up William with a smack and you laughed slightly, 

“He has a nice girl now, let’s leave it at that,” she hissed, ignoring the curious looks from Liv, Sonny, Fin, and Amanda. 

“I bet it was love at first sight,” Sonny joked, “Barba seems to be the type for that,” 

“Seriously Carisi? Love at first sight and Barba? That’s almost comical,” Amanda said with a laugh, “He takes a bit to soften up, you have to get used to his sarcasm,” there were a few knowing laughs, and you just smiled softly, letting them talk. You couldn’t say you didn’t enjoy hearing more about Rafael, he seemed like someone you might actually like, 

“What was it about him that first struck you?” Lucia asked, and you smiled at that. There was a question you could actually answer, 

“It was his eyes,” you said, smiling to yourself, 

“He has his mother’s eyes,” William commented, smiling at Lucia. 

“Well um, we saw each other, and um, he smiled, and he came closer to me and looked at me with his big green eyes, and I knew uh, that my life would never be the same,” you said softly. They were all nodding and laughing and smiling as you spoke, and you had no idea how you were ever going to be able to fix this. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

You had never been more glad to be in your apartment building. You wanted to just lay down and close your eyes and never get up. You climbed the stairs, wondering how everything could have spiraled out of control so quickly. 

“Tomorrow night, 8:00,” Joey said to you as he passed you on the stairs. You stopped and frowned, 

“What?” you asked. 

“I’ve got Ice Capades,” Joey replied, turning back towards you, “I know a guy,” You just nodded, too tired to sit there and listen. You finally made it back up to your apartment, but when you laid down to sleep, you just couldn’t get Rafael out of your head. So you dragged yourself up and rode the train back towards the hospital. When you reached his room, you paused at the door and looked in where he was laying. He looked so peaceful in the bed, his eyes closed, his face relaxed. You just wished he would open his eyes so you could see that brilliant green color once more.

“Hi,” you whispered softly before taking a few steps towards the bed. “Um, bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here in the middle of the night, huh?” you said, totally aware that you probably looked and sounded ridiculous, but you just needed to get this off your chest, “Well, I thought I should introduce myself, I’m Y/N, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. Um, I think you should know your family thinks we’re engaged. I’ve never been engaged before, this is all very sudden for me,” You looked at him, wondering how the hell you had even got here. “Um, what I really came here for was to tell you that I really didn’t mean for this to happen,” you said, shaking your head, on the verge of tears, “I-I don’t know what to do. I mean, if-if you were awake, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Oh God, not that I’m blaming you, sorry,” Finally taking a seat, you continued your one sided conversation, “It’s just that when I was a kid, I always imagined what I would be like or where I would be or what I would have when I got older, and ya know it’s the normal stuff like a house and a family and things like that,” It felt nice to tell someone about what was going on, “You know, not that I’m complaining though, I have a cat, Percy, I have an apartment, um sole possession of the remote control, it’s just, I don’t have anybody that I could laugh with,” and then the tears began to fall, and you felt small and stupid, who were you to be crying. He was the one in the coma, “Do you believe in love at first sight? You know I bet you don’t, you sound too sensible for that. Your mom told me you went to Harvard,” you were quiet for a few minutes, just looking at his handsome face, his strong jawline and that nose that was just a little crooked. “Or have you ever like seen somebody and you knew that if only that person really knew you, they would, well of course, dump the perfect model that they were with and realize that you were the one that they wanted to just grow old with,” It was funny, you hadn’t ever said these things to another person, and now here you were telling them to this complete stranger, but it felt right. You had wanted to talk to him for so long. “Have you ever fallen in love with someone you never even talked to?” you groaned softly, at how ridiculous you must sound, reaching up to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?” You sat quietly with him after that, softly crying until everything faded away into darkness. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

You blinked, the sound of beeping suddenly filling your head. Everything felt hazy, what the hell were you sleeping on? You slowly sat up, realizing you had dozed off, half on top of Rafael in the hospital room. Your back hurt from being all bent up in such an odd position. You shut your eyes before looking up at the clock, it was almost 8:00 and you hadn’t meant to stay so long. Standing up, you grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder and running a hand through your most likely messy hair, “Bye,” you whispered, looking at him one last time before turning to leave, 

“Y/N!” Lucia exclaimed excitedly, “We didn’t know you were here,” you took a breath, they had almost given you a heart attack. Everyone was there again to visit him. 

“Were you here all night?” Sonny asked, his brow furrowed. 

“Yeah,” you replied, still trying to collect your bearings, they had really startled you. 

“You’re like me, I could always sleep anywhere,” Fin said with a smile. 

“And believe me, he has,” Liv said, laughing slightly. 

“So how’s Rafi?” Lucia asked. 

“Oh, well, he’s got more color,” you commented, gesturing towards the man. His mother and William took a few steps closer to his bed, looking down at him. 

“He has some color,” William said, looking to Lucia and trying to comfort her. You had been watching the two closely, trying to get a read on what was going on there. They hadn’t said that William was Rafael’s father, and you weren’t under the impression that he was. He did however seem to have some sort of fatherly affection towards the young man. 

“Well, I-I have to go, but it was great to see you guys again,” you said, wanting to leave his actual family alone with him for a while. Lucia suddenly turned towards Liv, whispering something to the other woman before taking a step towards you, 

“We didn’t get to uh, celebrate Christmas, so it would be nice if you could join us,” she offered, and it honestly made you start to tear up a little bit. You didn’t want to intrude though and it would be so awkward. 

“Oh, um, oh I-I would love to, but I can’t,” you replied. 

“Alex is gonna be there!” Lucia suddenly said, “Alex is one of Rafi’s oldest friends, and besides as I’m sure you’re aware, Christmas has always been my little boy’s favorite holiday. You have to come over,” 

“So you’ll come?” Liv asked softly, “Everyone’s going to be there,” 

“I really can’t,” you whispered, “I have work and-” 

“Come on darling, put your phone number and address in here,” Lucia insisted, “I’ll call you later and convince you,” You couldn’t help but laugh and do as she said. 

“Okay,” you said with a laugh, 

“And here, I’ll text you the address for when you change your mind,” you could see how he might be a good lawyer, you didn’t have to look hard to see the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. 

“Alright, well I have to go, I’ll be waiting for that call,” you said, shaking your head once more and waving goodbye as you left. 

“Mrs. Barba! Mrs. Barba!” someone was yelling from behind you. Finally, the man caught up with you, practically shoving a box at you, 

“What is this?” you asked, just wanting to get on the elevator, 

“I’m sorry, these are your husband’s things,” he said. 

“He’s not my husband,” you growled. The man frowned, and looked at you for a second, 

“Okay, then your fiancé,” he dropped the box into your hands, and you looked up at the ceiling, groaning. At first glance it contained whatever they salvaged of his clothing, his shoes, coincidentally your favorite pair that you had seen him in, an expensive looking briefcase, an iPhone-

“You’re Rafael’s fiancée?” a tall woman in a nice outfit asked, and you just sagged against the wall, 

“Okay,” you whispered, wanting to just get out of there. 

“Rita Calhoun, an old friend and a colleague of Rafael’s,” the woman introduced, holding out a hand for you to shake, “I didn’t even know Rafael was engaged, and we’ve known eachother for quite a long time. We went to Harvard together,” 

“Oh, that’s nice,” you said, 

“Here, I’ll walk you out, you know it’s funny, the last time I came to see him in the hospital was a long, long time ago. He’ll love that I’m telling you this. It was after he passed the bar, he got very carried away celebrating and he woke up, having made a very bad decision,” you couldn’t say she hadn’t gotten your attention, and at least you were on your way out of the building still as you listened to the amusing tale. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

“So what’s the big deal?” Jerry asked. You scoffed, 

“What’s the big deal!? Jerry, they think I’m their future daughter-in-law!” you exclaimed incredulously as you stood on the street with him, “And the grandmother, she’s got this heart thing, and if I tell her, she’s gonna have a heart attack and she’s gonna die, and it’s gonna be all my fault,” you were panicking at this point. You couldn’t keep up this lying, but you couldn’t tell them the truth either. How do you even say something like that like-Hey, I lied, I’m not actually engaged to your son, just some creepy stalker person-bye now. 

“Well then don’t, and when Rafael comes out of the coma, the family will be so happy that they won’t care that you lied to them. They’ll thank you for it,” Jerry commented. You turned away from him to take the hotdog the man was holding out to you, 

“Just ketchup,” you said, frowning when he rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, what if he doesn’t come out of his coma?” you asked. It was a real possibility, 

“Well then who’s to know?” Jerry replied, and you just shut your eyes, shaking your head, “Come on Y/N, when my mother found out I was getting married to my wife, her intestines exploded, now you tell them now, you might as well shoot grandma,” that forced a groan out of your lips, he was not helping your predicament at all. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

As you climbed out of the cab, you cursed at yourself, you didn’t even really know what you were doing there. You had been at home, prepared to spend a lonely night once more with Percy, but you just kept thinking about all the people, smiling and talking, and you couldn’t help but look at Lucia’s text from earlier. You had given into your own selfishness and now here you were, on the sidewalk in front of an apartment building, trying to decide if you were going in or not. You had a big bundle of flowers in your hands, poinsettias that you hoped Lucia would like. “What am I doing?” you whispered to yourself, turning to leave, 

“Y/N!” a voice called out from behind you, causing you to jump. You turned around, it was Liv. 

“Hey Liv, hi,” you said, nervously shifting your weight from foot to foot, 

“I’m so glad you made it,” she said, smiling, “Come on, let’s sit down for a second,” you complied following her to a bench in front of the building. 

“You know Barba is one of my closer friends. He told you about his job right?” Liv asked. You bit your lip, afraid that you would give yourself away in seconds, 

“He’s a lawyer,” you offered weakly, “I know that, works at the DA's office. He uh, he likes to leave his work in the office when he can, doesn’t talk about it,” 

“Yeah well we prosecute sex crimes, I’m a detective. We spend a lot of time together. It’s funny he’s never mentioned you before,” she replied. You shut your eyes, where was she going with this. If she knew, why wouldn’t she just get it over with and tell everyone. “Our squad, it’s like a family really, and it’s been so nice to get to meet his actual family as well,” 

“You’re lucky to have so many nice people, it’s important to have family with you at this time of year,” you mused, looking off almost longingly. 

“Do you have your parents with you?” the detective asked softly. 

“No,” you said, looking up at her a bit sadly, “My mom died when I was really young, and a couple years ago my dad got sick. We moved from Chicago to New York so we could come to a research hospital,” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Liv said softly, “Research is a medical term for very expensive, huh,” You laughed a bit, nodding knowingly, 

“Yeah, exactly, I had to quit school, and I started working for the MTA, and then about a year ago, he decided he had enough research and he passed away,” it still sent a pang of sadness through you when you talked about it. Liv just quietly reached out and squeezed your arm. 

“Rafael is part of my family,” she said after a few moments, “I don’t want to let anyone hurt him or Lucia,” 

“Neither do I,” you agreed, feeling nervous once more. She laughed a little, 

“I believe that,” 

“Liv? Where-Oh Y/N, you came!” Sonny exclaimed, “Lucia is going to be so excited, come on you two, get inside. It’s freezing out here!” You followed the detectives inside and Lucia rushed over to you, 

“Y/N! I’m so glad you came,” she immediately pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tight, “This is so great, we have some mojitos and doncellitas, usually Rafi makes them,” you squeezed her a little tighter when her voice broke a little bit. You felt guilty all over again, this was someone's actual son, and they were really hurting right now and you were lying to them. She got you over to the couch and started to show you a scrapbook with pictures of Rafael when he was a little kid which you enjoyed immensely. You sat between his grandmother and his mother, the book laid across your lap, listening as they told you story after story about him. 

“Lucia! Are these drinks done yet?” you heard a muffled voice call from the kitchen, 

“Yes, you can bring them out,” William showed up, a tray of drinks in his hands. You weren’t sure which one to try, but you were quickly distracted by Liv pulling out her phone, 

“I think Barba might enjoy a picture of this, the first time Y/N spent Christmas with everyone,” she commented. You blushed slightly. 

“Everyone get in front of the tree!” Lucia exclaimed, “Y/N, get over here,” you shook your head, but eventually they dragged you in. Afterwards you sipped at a doncellita, you were a sucker for anything chocolate, as you listened to everyone talk and joke. It was such a warm atmosphere, so inviting and kind and so, so much better than your empty little apartment. They started passing around presents, and you couldn’t help but notice the pile that sat under the tree, untouched with his name written on the paper. While it was nice, you felt a bit out of place as you watched Rafael’s friends and family open gifts, these were people you barely knew. You frowned when Lucia pushed a present into your hands, “To Y/N, from Santa,” she said with a small grin. You sat and watched, a smile playing at your lips as everyone else opened their gifts up, smiling and laughing and thanking each other. This was something that you could get used to. 

You honestly hadn’t even realized you passed out on Lucia’s couch until you were pulled into consciousness by soft talking. “That’s not Rafael’s finacée, no way,” your eyes flew open at that. 

“She’s great, you’ll like her Alex. Maybe now you and Rafael can make up after this whole mess,” you wondered what the hell they were talking about. 

“Maybe I’ll stay the night. I’ll have to come visit him in the hospital with you. I can’t believe I didn’t know Rafael was engaged,” their voices faded away, but you were left wide awake, pondering just how much deeper you could get into this mess of a situation. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

When you woke up to light filling the living room, you knew it was time to get up and leave. You quickly grabbed all of your things, your heart pounding, how the hell had any of this happened, how had you let yourself make it so much worse by spending all of this time with his family. It was all a mess. You wanted to just slip out of there and go home where you could lay in bed and tell yourself it would be alright. You were about to open the door when a voice startled you, “Goodmorning,” you gasped, staggering back before turning around. Sitting on a chair behind you was a hispanic looking man, shorter, but with a nice smile. 

“Oh my god you scared me,” you said, smiling slightly. That was an understatement, he had nearly stopped your heart. 

“Sorry,” he whispered, looking slightly sheepish. 

“Goodmorning Alex,” you said, reasoning that was the only person mentioned that you hadn’t met. 

“Um, I guess I don’t remember meeting you,” Alex said, looking slightly puzzled as he set his cup of coffee down.

“Well that’s probably because we’ve never met,” you replied and he looked at you, amusement in his eyes, 

“That might have something to do with it,” you were startled once more by the buzzing of your phone in your pocket, alerting you to the arrival of your car, 

“Well I have to go because I’m late already and well-I have to go, it was nice meeting you,” you said, halfway out the door when his voice rang out again in the otherwise silent apartment, 

“Y/N,” and you turned back, a lump in your throat. He knew, he had to know, 

“Look, I know that I-I um-” you scrambled to try and explain, but he interrupted you again,

“Hey, welcome to the family,” he offered, and you smiled softly, how were you ever supposed to go back to being along after spending time with these nice people. Even just thinking about it made you feel empty inside. 

“Oh, thank you,” you whispered, “Bye,” you rushed out of there, you needed to think. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

You dug through the box the hospital had given you out of curiosity. There was an expensive looking watch, a wallet, his scarf, his iPhone. His briefcase had a set of keys and a bunch of file papers that you didn’t even peak at, he was a lawyer and you didn’t want to be nosing through things that could get him in trouble. There was also a lone paper bag sitting in the box. You picked it up, dumping the contents onto the bed. A little can of cat food tumbled out, and for a brief moment, you smiled--maybe the two of you had something real in common, but then you realized he had a cat. A probably very hungry, very lonely cat at this point, so you rushed out of the building, carefully avoiding Joe Jr. When you safely made it to Rafael’s apartment building, you headed upstairs and found the address that was listed in his wallet. You unlocked the door with the keys from his briefcase and started your hunt for the cat. The apartment was nice and clean, books lining the shelves and liquor on the counter. It was modern, but still homey. “Kitty?” you called, “Kitty, kitty, kitty?” you dumped the can from the bag again, taking the lid off and continuing to call for the cat. Pushing open the door to continue your search, you jumped back when a loud grunt came from the other side and the door jarred to a halt. Your hand flew to your mouth as the door slowly opened to reveal Alex, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” you whispered. 

“Nice shot,” he said, gingerly rubbing his face. 

“Um, I’ll get you some ice,” you exclaimed, rushing to the freezer. You grabbed a handful of cubes, handing them to him, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting anybody,” 

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting a door to be opened into my face,” he said in a joking voice. You turned around searching the counter that only seemed to have a bag of starbucks coffee for some paper towels to hold the ice when his hands were suddenly on your hips, “But, uh, I can tell you a way you can make it up to me,” he whispered. You stiffened, moving away from him. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Wasn’t Rafael supposed to be his best friend? You were supposed to be Rafael’s fiancé. “Oh come on, drop the faithful virgin Mary bullshit, I know about Joe Fusko Jr, and besides Y/N, Rafael won’t know. Don’t try and tell me you don’t feel a spark,” his breath was warm as he leaned in, hands closing around your face as he kissed you. You whimpered, trying to pull away, but he had a firm grip on your wrists, his tongue shoving into your mouth. His hands dropped to your lower back and then to your ass as his lips moved against yours. Finally, you managed to wrench away from him, putting space between the two of you, 

“Stop Alex,” you said firmly. He held his hands up in innocence.

“Sorry, I must have uh, misread the situation,” he replied licking his lips and going quiet for a few seconds. All that could be heard in the awkward silence was your breathing. “How did you get in here anyway?” he finally asked.

“Uh key,” you replied, uncomfortably. 

“Oh, key, you stay here a lot then?” he asked, acting like he hadn’t just propositioned you. 

“Oh, you know, feed the cat,” you said softly, trying to compose yourself. You wanted to get away from him. 

“Rafael doesn’t have a cat,” his statement was contradicted by a soft meow from the the doorway. A little kitten slowly made its way over to you. You picked it up, admiring the adorable little guy and grabbing the can from the counter.  

“Aww, hello, hello honey. Fluffy, you must be so hungry,” you cooed, making a name up on the spot and petting it as it began to devour its food. The phone sounded out loudly in the apartment. 

“Are you gonna get that?” he asked. 

“No, uh, I’m going to let the machine get it,” you said softly, unsure of what else to do, but you were saved the trouble of answering it as Alex grabbed walked over and did it himself,

“Hello?” he listened for a few moments before turning back towards you, “It’s for you,” You petted the cat, gulping slightly. You smiled, walking over to the phone and silently cursing yourself for having gotten into this situation at all. You took it from his hands, 

“Hello?” you answered, listening to the person on the other end for a few moments, “Okay, bye,” you turned back towards Alex, forcing a small smile on your face. You didn’t really want to be around him anymore period, and this was a good excuse to get out of the house. “Uh that was the hospital, they say it’s customary for friends and family to come and give blood,” 

“Let’s go together,” Alex suggested. No thanks. But how would you get out of it? Your whole life was becoming a convoluted mess and you didn’t know how to fix it. The two of you headed down to the garage where you looked around for a car that could be Rafael’s. He honestly didn’t seem like the type to have a car. Suddenly, his phone buzzed from where you had tucked it in your pocket. You pulled it out, ‘ _ Rates have dropped at 1 Hogan Place, request a ride as soon as possible and avoid surge pricing.’  _ It was an Uber alert. “Uh, I think we should take your truck,” you said softly. 

“No, we should take Rafael’s car,” Alex insisted. You weren’t sure if he was testing you or what was going on, 

“Rafael doesn’t have a car,” you replied, “He usually takes a cab or uses Uber,” 

“Good answer,” he said with a soft smile, “C’mon, I’ll drive you,” you gulped, but followed him anyways. You had barely climbed in the car when he was all over you, kissing and grabbing your wrists. You kneed him in the groin when he tried to sneak a hand up your shirt. He finally got off of you, 

“I said not to do that,” you said, climbing out of the car and storming off to a cab. You ended up next to him while giving blood, but you tried to ignore him. 

“We’ll have to get your picture for the mantle,” he said pointedly. You looked up, “Of you and Rafael I mean, Lucia has so many pictures of him all over the place. He’s really her pride and joy,” 

“I’m not that photogenic,” you replied softly, trying to brush off what he was saying. 

“I seriously doubt that,” Alex replied, giving you a heavy look, his gaze lingering far too long on your chest. You shivered, sitting up as the nurse handed you a little cup, 

“Sip this slowly or you’ll be woozy,” she instructed. You let out a small breath, 

“When did you start seeing Rafael?” he asked. 

“September 17th,” you immediately answered. You ignored the fact that it was probably creepy that you knew that off the top of your head. 

“Three months, that’s quick,” Alex commented. You frowned, he was trying to hit on you again, you just knew it, 

“You have no idea,” you immediately shut it down, throwing the gatorade back like a shot. 

“That-That’s fast,” Alex said again. You had enough, so you stood up, 

“Miss!” the nurse exclaimed, but you ignored it, 

“I’m fine,” you headed towards the door hearing a slight commotion behind you before a loud thump. When you turned around, Alex had collapsed onto the ground. When you finally made it into the room, Lucia was sitting by Rafael’s side talking about something with William, 

“Maybe he’d like us to sing to him,” she said, smiling and holding her son’s hand, 

“Maybe Y/N knows his favorite song,” Alex said as you walked in the room. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you, 

“Puff the Magic Dragon,” Lucia said, and you managed to finish with her, adding on lamely at the end, 

“Dragon,” Alex rolled his eyes, and he seemed determined to expose you to Rafael’s family.

“What’s Rafael’s favorite book?” Alex asked, and your eyes widened as you were caught off guard. You wracked your brain for answer, finally remembering a well worn paperback that had been on his counter,

“The Count of Monte Cristo,” you said, and Alex’s eyebrows shot up, 

“His favorite kind of coffee?” he asked, and you were grateful you had been paying attention at Rafael’s place, 

“Starbucks,” you replied, and Alex’s eyes narrowed, staring you down. 

“His favorite baseball team?” he said, and that you didn’t know. 

“Um...New York,” you said, and Alex laughed,

“Mets or Yankees?” he insisted, but everyone else was getting tired of your little exchange, 

“What the hell is going on!?” William asked, and Lucia stood up, 

“Alex, why are you asking her all these questions?” she asked, coming over, and Alex sighed, 

“Don’t ask me, ask her boyfriend,” he said, and Lucia looked positively furious. You felt your heart drop, what was he about to do?

“That isn’t very funny you know,” she said softly, and Alex shook his head, 

“No, not that boyfriend, Joe Fusko,” he said, and you snorted, looking at him incredulously, 

“Joe Jr.?” you asked, and he nodded, 

“That’s right, Mr. Joe Fusko Jr. He said that you were intimate,” Alex told you, and now you were really confused. Where the hell was all this coming from? When did he take to Joey? 

“Well he also said he invented aluminum foil, he’s delusional,” you told him, hands on your hips. 

“He was very lucid when I talked to him,” Alex said, and Catalina started looking worried, and Lucia seemed confused, 

“Oh dear,” Catalina said softly, 

“Mama, you okay?” Lucia asked, and William glared, 

“You see what you did?” he said. 

“What did I do?” Alex asked, acting innocent. 

“If she wanted to prove it, she’d prove it,” Catalina said, and you knew exactly what would do it, but you didn’t want to embarrass him. All eyes were on you though, and you were backed in to a corner. You didn’t want to let go of this, not yet. 

“Rafael...has a pierced naval,” you said softly, and his mother’s eyes grew wide. Sonny let out a laugh, and Amanda looked away to try and stifle her own. Liv just looked shocked. 

“No way,” Alex said, but you stood your ground. This guy was such an asshole, 

“Way,” you said, “Um, after he passed the bar, he uh, he got really drunk and his friends thought it was really funny, so they didn’t stop him. It’s healed up now, but you can still see the scar,” 

“Oh my god,” Sonny said, just about dying in the corner. 

“Um,” Alex seemed shocked, like he didn’t know what to say. 

“Somebody’s gotta look,” William said. 

“I’ll do it, I’m his mother,” Lucia said with a sigh, carefully lifting the blankets and Rafael’s gown up. You knew she’d find you were right. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this even with all the twists and changes from the actual movie. I have one more little thing before I get back to demons but it should be within a week or so that I start writing it! Let me know what you think!

You finally made it home to your apartment, and you were so tired, you felt it in your bones. You leaned your head against the door exhaustedly, sighing and groaning. You just wanted to lay down and never get up or better yet just crawl in a hole and die. You had yourself in such a horrible, awful situation and you weren’t sure what you were gonna do about it. A knock on the door interrupted your self-loathing. “Who is it?” you asked. 

“What gives!” you recognized Joey’s voice immediately. You opened the door, and he immediately pointed at you, “You stood me up!” he said, holding his hand up as he entered your apartment. 

“What?” you said, feeling so tired, you just had no idea what was even going on. 

“For our date,” he said, and you just shook your head, 

“What date?” you had to be missing something here. 

“To the Ice Capades,” he replied, “I had to eat your ticket,” You vaguely remembered him telling you  _ he  _ had tickets to the Ice Capades, but you certainly never said you were going. 

“I never said I would go on a date with you,” you replied, and now he looked confused too. 

“Yes you did,” he argued. 

“No I didn’t,” you said again and soon you were arguing like little kids:

“Did too!” 

“Didn’t!” 

“Did!”

“Didn’t!” Thankfully a knock on the door interrupted your bickering, and you held up a finger to shush him, “Who is it!” 

“Y/N! It’s Liv!” you heard from the door. You covered his mouth, shoving him toward the closet, 

“What are ya two timing Joe Jr!?” he said, and you just shook your head at him. 

“First of all Joe,” you said as you shoved him in the closet, “That’s a woman and I’m not a lesbian, and second, I’m not two timing, I never one timed,” you growled. He pushed past you you, 

“I’ll fight her, I’m not afraid,” he said, and you scrambled out to grab his arm and shove him back in, 

“Hey, get in the closet,” you said, pushing him once more in that direction. “Not a word,” you said and he held out a pair of your underwear, 

“Nice panties,” he said, and you shook your head. You tiredly went to answer the door, the panties gripped in your hands, and there was Liv standing there, waiting for you. You waved and said hi, 

“Oh uh those are nice,” she said, and you both laughed a little bit. You shoved them in the pocket of your sweater. “Have you got company?” she asked.

“No, tv’s on...next door,” you said quickly, trying not to alert her to Joe Jr’s presence. 

“Oh,” she said, walking in your apartment door. 

“You uh, want some coffee or tea or something?” you asked. 

“Oh, no,” she replied, sighing, “Y/N, there’s something you should know. Well, the time you visited Rafael, I was outside the door. I know the truth,” You sighed, a sinking feeling of dread overwhelming you. You sunk down onto a chair, nervously running a hand through your hair, 

“Sorry, uh Liv, but you don’t have to worry cause I’m gonna tell them everything,” you said softly. 

“Don’t tell them a thing,” she replied, and you frowned. She took a seat beside you. “Do you remember the day when you said you’d never do anything to hurt the family?” You nodded, “Well since they met you, they figure they have Rafael back. If you tell the the truth, then you’ll take him away again. They need you Y/N, just like you need them,” You looked down, and it felt nice to be needed and to be wanted, but it also was this horrible guilty feeling. They just thought they needed you because you lied to them in the first place. “Now look, I know you’re a good person, and I know you’ll do the right thing,” she said, and you smiled a little and laughed, but you still felt conflicted. She got up and started heading to the door after patting your arm, “Oh--Oh, by the way, how did you know about Rafael with the p--uh, you know something, I don’t want to know,” she said with a laugh, and you shook your head as she left. 

“Bye,” you said softly, a hand on your forehead. All of this was exhausting. A loud crash from  the closet just as Liv was leaving made you throw up your arms in exasperation, “What are you!? What?” You yanked the door open to see Joe Jr. sitting on the floor of your closet a little heel in his hand, “What are you doing?” you asked. He looked at you wide eyed, and blushing, 

“I slipped,” he said softly, but you knew better. 

“You’re trying on my shoes!?” you asked incredulously. Just when you thought he couldn’t get any stranger. 

“No,” he said, “When I fell, my foot went like….that,” he made a vague gesture suggesting his foot slipped into the shoe by accident, but you were interrupted once more by a knock. 

“Who is it!?” you asked frustratedly, 

“It’s me, Alex Muñoz,” said the voice, and you felt a slight panic. 

“Doesn’t anyone use a phone anymore?” you muttered frustratedly, and Joe, who had followed you remarked, 

“I do,” and you glared. 

“I’m not talking about 900 numbers,” you bit back, shoving him once more into the closet. 

“Who told you!?” he said, looking positively distressed. You ignored him, going back to the door and opening it, 

“I would appreciate it if you’d just stay away from me,” you said softly. You wished he would stop harassing you as he made you very nervous. 

“Look, I’m sorry about before. I uh--I have an engagement present for you of sorts if you’d just come with me,” he said softly, shoving his hands in his pockets. You gulped, feeling uncomfortable. You didn’t trust him one bit. 

“Um, o--okay just for like fifteen minutes. Then I want to go visit Rafael,” you said softly, grabbing a jacket. 

“Was that Liv I saw leaving?” he asked and then there was some rattling from the closet. God, couldn’t Joey just stay still for five minutes? “What was that?” he asked. 

“Cat,” you said. 

“Big cat?” he asked. You slipped out the door, just shaking your head, 

“Let’s go already,” you said. He led you down to his truck, and he drove you to City Hall. You got out, following him around, and he stood at the top of the steps, 

“You see this?” he said, and you nodded, “I’m gonna be mayor soon, and I know you hate your job Y/N, but I can get you something new,” he said, “Something better where you’ll actually make money,” he told you. You weren’t sure where he was going with this or what he intended to do. “But everything comes at a price my dear,” he whispered, stroking your face, “And Rafael never has to know. Go ahead, marry little Rafi, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have this nice job,” he breathed, and you felt vile, backing up from him. You needed a shower. 

“Screw yourself,” you hissed, leaving and you hailed a taxi, shuddering the whole way out. He was just so disgusting it was unreal. When you got to the hospital, you went up to Rafael’s room, sitting beside his bed and holding his hand. “When you wake up, if nothing else, I’m gonna warn you about Alex,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry I’ve dragged you into all this Rafael. I--I’m just so alone,” you whispered, “And I’ve messed everything up….I bet you’ve been to Europe plenty, all over: Rome, Madrid, Paris,” you said the last city wistfully. It’s where you’d always wanted to go, “Why would you ever want to be with someone like me?” you whispered, closing your eyes.

 

……………………………..

 

When you made it back to your apartment building it was late and Joey was following you up the stairs, “Y/N where the hell did you go?” he called, “Are you seeing some other guy? You’re gonna have to choose: me or him!” he yelled, and you immediately responded, 

“Him,” He stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking dejected as you slipped into your apartment, 

“You don’t have to answer right away,” he whispered. You sat down on your couch, sniffling slightly, but talking to Rafael, even if he wasn’t really listening had made you feel better. The more you heard about him from his friends and family, the more you wanted to really get to know him, to actually talk with him. You remembered back to the pictures his mother showed you in his scrapbook, and you couldn’t help but smile. Whoever got him was one lucky girl.

 

……………………………..

 

The train flew by, the constant noise a norm while you were at work. You sat in your booth, taking tokens as people passed by to get on the train. It was cold out and you were shivering slightly, but your woollen sweater kept you warmer than most things. Another token dropped in when an overly dramatic low voice said, “One token please,” You looked up to see Sonny’s smiling face as he snickered. Amanda was beside him. 

“Oh my God, Sonny what are you doing here?” you asked with a laugh. “Do you guys wanna come through?” you asked. 

“We can?” Sonny sounded surprised, 

“Yeah, absolutely,” you said. They both entered your booth

“Hi,” Sonny said, and you smiled, 

“Who’s this?” Chelsea asked, turning around and digging for drama as usual. 

“Um Sonny is um….” you started to say. You weren’t sure how to quite explain the relationship. You weren’t really friends. 

“Y/N is gonna marry one of my close friends,” he said, and your eyes bugged out. 

“What?” Chelsea exclaimed, “Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?! You’re getting married?” 

“Well, it hasn’t really been announced so…” you said softly, trying to play it off, “It’s a little awkward for me to say anything and um the train…” 

“Oh um we’ll see you later than,” Amanda said and they started out of the little booth. 

“Thank you for coming guys,” you said softly. 

“Girl, are you pregnant?” Chelsea asked, and you rolled your eyes,

“Yes, I’m pregnant Chelsea,” you said sarcastically, but she was up in your face, hands on your cheeks and shaking you slightly,

“Y/N, you’re not giving me details, come on spill,” she said. You grabbed her wrists, removing them from your face, 

“Chelsea, you have to have sex to be pregnant,” you said, and she looked at you like you had three heads. 

“But I thought you were engaged,” she said. 

“Well...we’re...we’re waiting,” you said, trying to cover up your slip up, and then she was really looking at you strangely. 

“Waiting?” she said, frowning and you just wanted to cover your face. 

 

……………………………….

 

“New Years Eve hasn’t been the same since we left Cuba,” Catalina said softly. 

“It’s better now Mama, you gave Rafi a chance,” Lucia said. They were watching the New Years tv coverage, and the squad was over to keep Lucia company. They had been such life savers, being there for her while Rafael was in the hospital. The door opened, and in came Sonny and Amanda. They were all talking about various subjects, Liv and Fin talking police problems with William weighing in every now and then. 

“Hey, everybody,” Sonny said excitedly, barely keeping the glee off his face. Everyone looked at him and he grinned, “Y/N is pregnant,” he said. Alex stared at him from his spot on the couch, and Lucia’s eyes widened,

“How did you find out? What do you mean she’s pregnant?” she asked, “How do you know?” Everyone started talking over each other and weighing in. 

“I--I heard her say it,” he said, and the room practically exploded. No one noticed Alex slipping out. 

 

……………………………….

You were pulling on a pair shoes, getting ready to go out for New Years Eve with your friends. You needed some time to yourself, away from everything so you could forget how stressed you felt. A knock interrupted you. “Who is it?” you called, 

“Joe Jr,” came the response, and you sighed. 

“No one’s here,” you called, hoping he’d fall for it. You were tying the laces when he called back,

“I know that trick,” you grimaced. “My old man has a set of keys,” he said, and you rolled your eyes,

“That is illegal and you know it Joey,” you said back. You opened the door, and there he stood with a giant wreath of flowers. 

“Ta daa,” he said dopily, and you smiled, “I told them to give me the same ones they use at the Winner’s Circle at Arlington,” he said. 

“They’re beautiful,” you replied, and he blushed slightly. “But I can’t accept them,” you told him, and his face fell. 

“I could move in here,” he offered, “I betcha Pop would knock fifty bucks off the rent,” he was pleading with you, and you did feel bad to an extent, but he wasn’t listening. You shook your head at him, hoping humor might get him off your back, 

“I’ve got 6 months left to live,” you said softly. 

“You’re just tryin’ to make me feel better,” he said dejectedly, “It’s that other guy isn’t it?” 

“What do you mean?” you asked, 

“I see your face when you talk about him, it’s like you just seen your first Trans Am,” he said, “Here take ‘em,” he said, “You can lay ‘em on my coffin,” You gave him a soft hug, and he clung to you, 

“Thank you,” you whispered, rubbing his back. His head was on your shoulder, 

“Are you wearin’ the black bra?” he asked, and you smacked him on the back of the head. “I love black underwears,” and you slammed the door in his face. 

 

…………………………

 

As you finally made it out of your apartment, you saw Alex standing in front of your building waiting for you, and you kept your eyes on the ground. He was pacing in front of his car. He was in your way, so you were forced to acknowledge him. “I don’t have time for this Alex,” you said softly, “What are you doing here?” He eyed you up, like he was waiting for you to make some sort of huge admission to him. He spotted the bottle of champagne in your arms, 

“You’re going to a party,” he said, and you nodded slightly. 

“Yeah, uh, my friend Chelsea is having a party tonight,” you said, and he nodded,

“Great,” he murmured, “Hey, I’ll drive you,” 

“Oh, you know what, it’s really not that far,” you said, but he was grabbing you and pulling you into the car, and you really didn’t want to be there with him alone, but you didn’t see a way out, so you sat down as far from him as possible, buckling yourself in. “Is everything okay?” you asked softly, not understanding what he wanted, “Is Rafael okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” he asked, driving you to the party, 

“You’re acting really weird,” you said. 

“I just uh--I think you need to reconsider my offer, now especially,” he said, and you glared, getting out of the car and heading up to the building. He raced after you, “Wait up,” You rang the doorbell, “What did Rafael say?” 

“What did Rafael say about what? About you propositioning me? He’s in a coma Alex,” you spat back, but the door opened, saving you from his answer, 

“Y/N, it’s so good to see you!” Chelsea said, pulling you into a hug, “How are you? Hi, come on in,” you both went inside, and he started following you around, “Y/N is here with her fiance!” Your eyes went wide. Nope, No, No, No. 

“Hey, Rafael looks good,” Jerry said, and you shook your head,

“That’s not Rafael, that’s Alex,” you said, and Jerry looked confused, “Rafael’s best friend who has been hitting on me,” 

“Why is he here?” Jerry asked,

“He basically followed me here,” you said, and Jerry just shook his head, he was getting more and more confused. He walked away, and Alex caught up with you as you were getting some punch. 

“You’re gonna need the money,” he said, and you frowned, “And that’s spiked,” 

“Thank God,” you said, 

“You shouldn’t have any,” he told you, and you frowned. 

“Why the hell not?” you said angrily, and he he replied loudly,

“Because of the Baby!” the room suddenly got really, really quiet. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you, and you turned really red. Now you were going to have to explain to Alex that he was 100% offbase.

 

…………………….

 

At the hospital, the oncall doctors and nurses were sharing a drink of sparkling grape juice, singing Auld Lang Syne as ball dropped to signal New Years, and in a little room in the ICU, bright green eyes opened for the first time since Christmas day. 

 

………………………..

 

You were rushing down the hospital hallway. You had gotten a call, pulling you out of bed in the morning, and it had been vague, so you rushed there to see what the hell was actually going on. As you rounded the corner, you saw William waiting for you, likely at Lucia’s request. “William,” you said, coming closer, “They called me and told me to get down here. What happened?” you asked, and he smiled broadly at you,

“He’s awake,” he said excitedly, and you felt your heart drop. Everything was about to come crashing down around you, and you were going to lose the only thing that was currently keeping you sane. You laughed nervously, trying to turn away and leave, but he grabbed your arm, guiding you onto the elevator. You were terrified. “Boy will he be glad to see you,” he said with a grin, and you smiled tensely,

“Yeah,” you lamely replied as the doors shut. The whole way up your mind was spinning. Things were about to get bad.

 

…………………………..

 

A hand on his shoulder, head fuzzy and absolutely pounding, “Rafael,” the voice sounded slurred and blurred like someone was talking to him through glass, “Rafael,” More shaking, and he made a soft noise, barely a grunt, “Rafael,” Damn they were insistent. He forced his eyes open, blinking away the gummy substance from his eyes, and he saw a dark figure looming over him, talking to him softly, “Your family is here Rafael,” He sighed, making himself start to pull out of the cloud of sleep he’d been in. It took him a few more minutes and some excessive blinking before the blobs in front of him started to morph into familiar shapes and then familiar faces. He started at the edge, trying to work his way down and slowly get his brain to work again. There was William, smiling at him, giving him a thumbs up. William was alright. He’d been very upset and traumatized when he walked in on them, but he was an adult, and as long as the man treated his mother well, he wanted her to be happy. Speaking of his mother, she was next, her eyes red with tears, but a reassuring smile on her face, and he smiled back warmly, putting all of his effort into comforting her. She waved at him softly. He moved down the line again and there was Carisi, grinning at him like an idiot, and he shook his head softly. He was growing more and more fond of the detective despite his incessant insufferability. He was always weighing in and trying to impress Rafael which usually ended up irritating the lawyer instead. Next was Liv, and he had to smile at that. Liv was always there for him, his best friend, and he had no idea what he’d do without her. His eyes passed over the unfamiliar face in front of him, landing on his abuelita before he did a double take. Who the hell was that? You was smiling at him almost nervously, and he frowned. He was so confused. 

“Who--Who are you?” he asked, and everyone looked at you and then back at his face, Liv looking slightly exasperated, and now he was really confused. Was he supposed to know you? 

“Oh my God,” he heard his mother’s voice softly, “He’s got amnesia!” He felt so overwhelmed and his head was hurting far worse than before. He just let himself slip back into the darkness, preferring to be unaware than to try and figure out this confusing situation. 

 

…………………………….

 

“Acute Amnesia is a condition in which memory loss is localized in patches, limited to isolated events,” the doctor explained to his family. You had your face pressed up against the door, wanting it to eat you alive. How had you allowed it to go this long? How had you let it go this far? You didn’t understand. It was so stupid of you, and now they were all going to hate you when this was over, Rafael included, and you’d be alone again. 

“Selective Amnesia?” his mother said, sounding skeptical, and you stood up more. You needed to end this now, like ripping off a bandaid and then you could go back to your small, lonely life and stop ruining his. 

“Um, I’m sorry,” you said softly, trying to get everyone’s attention. “I--I need to tell you something that is really important,” you said, and they all turned to look at you. This was the moment of truth. You needed to get it out now and get it over with. “I--I was never--” 

“Pregnant,” Sonny interjected, “We know, Alex called,” he said and then you lost your nerve. And speak of the devil, the elevator opened and in walked Alex. 

“Alex,” Lucia said warmly,

“So he’s come out of it,” Alex said softly, going to hug Rafael’s mother,

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said softly.

“S’cuse me,” the nurse said, coming through the door. “Doctor, he’s up again,” Everyone started to file back towards his room, and you felt the dread building up inside of you once more. 

“Liv,” you said desperately, and she turned toward you, holding up her arms and trying to calm you down,

“Let me handle it,” she said softly, “Lucia won’t kill me. I’ll take care of it alright,” 

“Okay,” you breathed, and let her nudge you toward the room. You felt some relief at that, and you walked down the hall to see Rafael again. 

 

…………………………………

 

“How ya feeling champ?” William asked softly, and Rafael smiled a little bit from the bed. He didn’t look like he appreciated being called champ in your humble opinion, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Um, I don’t know,” he finally whispered, and you liked the sound of his voice. It was low and soothing, and it sounded gravelly and drowsy with sleep. You could listen to him talk all day. 

“Hey,” Sonny said softly, gesturing to you, “Barba, remember her?” he asked. You froze, a tense smile on your face, and Rafael’s eyes flickered from you to Sonny and back. 

“Should I?” he whispered, looking so confused. You hated that you were making all of this harder for him after everything he’d been through,

“Look closely,” William said softly, and Rafael looked back to you. 

“She looks a little familiar,” he said, shaking his head, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why,” 

“I think it’s coming back,” William said, and Lucia smiled at him. 

“I think so,” she said with a soft laugh. 

“Wait, what’s coming back?” he asked, “Tell me, what?” 

“Rafi,” Lucia said softly, “You have amnesia,” she spoke to him like he was five years old, gently and slow, and you felt bad for him. It seemed to be frustrating him, that and the fact that he couldn’t seem to piece things together. 

“I do?” he said, his eyes growing wide. 

“Rafi,” his abuelita said, “You’re engaged,” 

“To who?” he said, his eyes growing even bigger. He looked awful now, his mind running at a mile a minute, and you just want to close your eyes and run away, 

“To Y/N,” Sonny said. 

“Y/N?” he said, and you loved the way your name came out of his mouth in that voice. He looked to you, “Who’s Y/N?” 

“You don’t remember do you?” Lucia asked. 

“S’cuse me,” the nurse was back, interrupting the horrible scene. 

“I’ve got some jello for you today,” he said, bringing it to the tray. 

“Do I like jello?” Rafael asked, looking miserable. 

“Yum,” Lucia said softly, nodding at him. 

“I think he’s had enough excitement for one evening,” the doctor said, and you were glad to get out of there for now. You wanted to come back and talk to him alone. To try and explain things or at least tell him about Alex. 

“Hang in there champ,” William said softly, and this time Rafael didn’t even have the energy to look peeved. 

“See you mijo,” his mother said softly, kissing him on the cheek. 

“Goodnight Mami,” he said softly, and she stroked his face, 

“It’s so good to see you,” she whispered. He shut his eyes, 

“Mom, Dad, Carisi, Liv,” he was muttering to himself, seemingly questioning his own sanity. As you walked out the door, you saw Liv coming over, 

“Liv,” you hissed, grabbing her arm, “Liv, where have you been?” 

“What? I’m not allowed to go to the bathroom?” she said softly, 

“Liv,” you said again, eyes going wide. 

“I’m handling it Y/N, I will tell them,” she said assuring you, but you wanted her to take care of this now, 

“When?” you asked, “On my golden anniversary?” 

“Y/N, I’ll tell them,” she told you again, and as you walked away, you heard Rafael softly singing himself the ABCs, trying to make sure he still remembered that, and you felt a whole lot worse. 

 

………………………..

 

“22-10-40, eighth-grade locker combination,” he said, sitting in his hospital bed. He didn’t understand how he could forget something as significant as proposing even with the head injury. Rafael didn’t forget things; in fact, he remembered things with startling detail which is how he often times ended up staring at the ceiling for hour unend at night rather than sleeping. “Birthday: October 24th,” he said softly, 

“You have to remember Y/N,” his mother said softly,

“Social security number: 144-60-6894,” he said, still unsure about all his mental faculties. This was more for him than for anyone else. He needed to know that he was still sane because everything felt like it was spiraling out of his control. It was crazy, and he didn’t understand. He saw Liv at the door, starting to enter the room, 

“You love her,” his mother said to him. “You just, don’t remember,” she told him, fluffing his pillow and handing him a cup of water. He took a sip from the straw. 

“3.93 grade point average, Harvard Law,” he said. 

“Can I uh--Can I talk to Rafa alone for a bit?” Liv asked, and his mother looked at her weird, but she nodded, leaving with his grandmother, Sonny, and William who were all visiting him. 

“We’ll see ya later mijo,” his mother called as they went out the door, and he turned his attention to Liv, his best friend. If anyone knew what was going on or what to do, it was her. He needed guidance or an explanation of some sort. He needed to understand. 

“Rafa,” she said softly, “I’ve known you for six years, and I’ve seen you grow as a person and a prosecutor. You’re brilliant, had a good education, and you’re very popular with the squad and increasingly with the media, but Rafael, you’re acting like a dick,” He looked at her, wide-eyed and his mouth almost fell open with surprise. 

“Excuse me?” he said softly,

“Look, I’m your best friend, and I love you, but right now, you’re being a dumbass and acting like a dick,” she said again. That hurt a lot coming from her. 

“Is there a point to this?” he asked, feeling beaten down. He’d just come out of a coma after having been mugged and shoved onto a train platform. He didn’t appreciate her waltzing in and telling him what a terrible person he was after everything. 

“Y/N,” she said softly, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “Rafa, there’s something you have to know about her. You see, she, well, uh, she’s. You know….She’s not only your fiancée, she’s your guardian angel. Rafael, she saved your life,” she said, “Now, she’s coming to see you today, and I want you to do yourself a favor. I want you to look deeply into her eyes, and listen with the heart of a man who has just been given a second chance at life, and after two minutes, if you’re not madly in love with her, then tell her you want to break up, but if in the two minutes you see what it only took the rest of us seconds to see, you will propose to her for the second time and marry her before she has a chance to escape,” she told him, patting his leg, “Before she comes, take a little time and think it over. You don’t let yourself be open with many people, but this is a chance for you Rafa. Don’t lose it,” She grabbed her jacket, then leaving the room and leaving him to think over everything she’d just thrown at him. 

 

………………………….

 

You were carrying a box of his things up to his room to see him. When you walked into the big area of the ICU, you saw him in bed, looking drowsy and half awake, a tray of food sitting beside him. You set down the box that they’d given you so long ago, and turned to look at him. “Y/N,” he said, startling you slightly, that voice sending shivers down your spine once more, 

“Hi,” you said softly like you’d never been able to before to the handsome stranger who had brightened so many of your days. He looked genuinely happy to see you. You felt shaky and nervous as you approached him, holding out the box, “Um, I came to bring you back your things,” you said softly, and he smiled at you, letting you look into the green eyes that you loved. 

“Would you like a sandwich?” he asked softly, and you giggled, 

“No, no, I’m okay thanks,” you replied, “Can I get you anything?” you asked, trying to stop yourself from dwelling on his kindness towards you. This wasn’t going to last much longer. 

“I wish I had my own clothes,” he said softly, and you felt for him. You knew he probably hated being cooped up in the hospital like most people would. Judging also from how busy he seemed, he probably hated having nothing to do. 

“I uh, I like your uh grey and purple--” you trailed off, but his eyes brightened,

“The glen plaid with the purple stitching?” he asked, and you nodded, “That’s my favorite too,” 

“Really?” you asked, and nodded, blushing slightly at his outburst. You thought it was really cute though. 

“Um, please sit down,” he said, seemingly happier than the last time you’d seen him. He seemed much more aware, maybing distracted, but not so confused at least which assuaged some of your guilt. You sat in a chair beside his bed, nervously brushing some hair away, 

“Your uh, your mom showed me a lot of pictures of you,” you said softly, “Stuff from the newspaper recently,”

“Yes well, my job does lead to some publicity,” he said with a bashful smile. 

“It’s special though, most people don’t get to do many heroic things,” you said, and he shook his head,

“It’s not heroic,” he whispered, “It’s my job,” 

“It’s a hard one, and you seem to do it well,” you told him, and he smiled slightly,

“Now you’re making me blush,” he said, “But, uh, my reputation precedes me. I work with great people, and I do what I can, but uh what about you? Apparently you’re some sort of mystical guardian angel or something. That or you’re just crazy,” 

You laughed, feeling your cheeks heat up. He was humble and funny which were both very attractive to you. “Oh no,” you said, “Jumping in front of that train was unusual,” you said softly. 

“I don’t know that I’ve done something truly heroic my whole life,” he whispered, “I chased a purse snatcher once,” 

“That’s something,” you said, but he just shrugged,

“I pulled a hamstring,” he said like that negated the effort. 

“You undersell yourself, most guys wouldn’t even have tried. Trust me, I work at the L, believe me, I know,” you wanted to convince him, to explain to him that the things he did mattered, that he was a good person because you were so sure of it even with the small sample size. “You give up your seat every day on the train,”

“Well,” he sighed, “That’s not heroic,” 

“It is to the person who sits in it,” you told him, and he blushed again, “You always gave me something to look forward to every day so….” you trailed off. He smiled softly, and it was your turn to blush. You hadn’t even meant to admit that. “Um, but I wanted to tell you something. While you were...um out, Alex…” he froze.

“Alex? What the hell is that bastard doing around?” he asked, and you felt relieved that he knew Alex was a scumbag, “Oh god, I must not have explained things to my mother. She’s always had a soft spot for him. She wants me to forgive him, but he’s a dog,” 

“Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you knew,” you told him, and he smiled, 

“Thank you,” he whispered. He seemed like he enjoyed talking with you, “Um, since I seem to have alzheimer’s,” he said jokingly, making you laugh again, “You want to tell me a little bit about yourself? Do you have family in the area?” 

“No uh, no. It’s just me. I was taking care of my Dad until he passed away,” you said softly, and he reached for your hand,

“Oh I am so sorry,” he whispered, “It’s hard to lose a family member,” 

“Yeah, but it was time, and he taught me so much,” you whispered. 

“What--um--what’s one thing you want to do more than anything?” he asked, and you looked down at your lap, smiling, 

“Travel,” you whispered, pulling out your passport. He took it, paging through and looking confused,

“There aren’t any stamps,” he said softly, 

“It’s a bit of a pipe dream,” you said, “But someday I’ll make it to Paris,”

“Paris?” he said, his face brightening again, “I love Paris. Don’t you worry, we are gonna fix this,” he said softly, and you felt your heart swell. He was so kind, so gentle and funny. He made you feel at ease, and you wanted to tell him everything. You wanted to spend time with him and talk with him. It was so easy, so plain and it kept flowing like it was nothing. You told him about Percy and he explained how he’d just adopted a cat. He was very grateful when you took him you’d fed it. He told you his cat helped him to feel not so alone at home and you could relate to him on a deep level. He was a good listener and when he responded, you felt like he acknowledged what you said, and cared about it. 

 

………………………………..

You had been back to see Rafael two or three times, and each time you felt more connected to the kind man, wishing that everything wasn’t based on a lie. You entered the hospital, going up the stairs to his room, but it was empty and the nurse from the first day had to flag you down and explain to you that they’d moved him to the second floor. She took you down to his room, and when you entered, he looked happy, smiling at you toothily. The last time you’d seen him, he had been up and about, carefully walking around some, but he’d fallen over, taking you with him in the hallway, and you’d ended up on the floor laughing until your sides hurt, and then laughing more when you’d realized he’d ripped his pants. “Y/N,” he said warmly, and you looked at him happily.

“You look really good,” you said softly. He had more color, and he seemed stronger. He looked happier too, but anxious at the same time,

“Um, facing death like this has made me think about some things, about you and me, and I’ve always been withdrawn and kept to myself to avoid getting hurt, but I feel this connection with you and I know it feels crazy, but I really care about you Y/N and I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to be so scared anymore. I don’t have many people to trust, or anyone I might want to start a family with. You were there when I needed someone most, you gave me a second chance at life and in love. It took a coma to wake me up. My family loves you, the squad, my friends love you, and I--I’m starting to love you too. Y/N, will you marry me?” His question was followed by a body thumping on the floor behind you, and you were so caught off guard, you turned and saw the nurse in a heap on the floor. You moved towards her, but then you realized you needed to answer him, so you went back towards him. 

“Yes,” you squeaked, and he grinned making you feel like maybe this would all be okay.

 

…………………………….

 

You were trying on an old white dress that you had, getting something to work at such short notice. You had two different pairs of shoes on and you were modeling them for Percy. You thought you could hear Joey’s voice outside your door. You’d seen him around with some girl from the third floor, and you really hoped it worked out for him because he was a nice guy, just not for you. You turned toward Percy, switching which foot you were standing on, “This one?” you asked, switching again, “This one?” he just meowed. You were interrupted by a knock on the door. You yanked it open, feeling very stressed out, and you sighed loudly when you saw Alex. “What the hell do you want?” you asked coldly,

“I think you should think about what I offered you. Rafael can only make you so happy. You don’t know him like I do,” he said, and you shook your head. 

“I don’t care what you say Alex, Rafael is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, and I’d appreciate it if you’d just back off,” you said softly, “You need to stop,”

“Is that uh--is that your wedding dress?’ he asked, and you just shook your head, shutting the door on him. You didn’t need him ruining everything. 

 

………………………..

 

You slipped into Jerry’s office, putting an invitation down on his desk, “What is this?” he asked, and you smiled softly, 

“A wedding invitation,” you explained, and he looked at it for a second before looking back up to you,

“This is to your wedding….tomorrow,” he replied, “Y/N, isn’t that a little bit fast?”

“You know what Jerry, I wish it even would have been yesterday because then I’d be on my way to Paris on my honeymoon and I’d finally have a stamp in my passport, and I wouldn’t be alone anymore,” you said softly. 

“You’d want that?” he asked, and you looked at him incredulously.

“Want what?” you asked, “A handsome, wealthy husband who actually happens to be kind and genuinely care about me? No, I’m crazy,” you spat sarcastically. 

“No, a relationship formed on a lie,” he said softly, and you looked down at your feet, like you were ready to cry.

 

………………………..

 

You had been thinking about what Jerry said all night and all morning, and as you rushed into the small ceremony slightly late, seeing all his friends and family, you felt yourself getting more and more nervous. Liv was standing behind Rafael who was up on his feet, an IV pole beside him, a suit jacket draped over his shoulders. You started down the aisle with a bouquet in hand, but you realized you still had your jacket on, so you nervously ran back, hanging it on a hook, and they started the music for you again. You were glad that Alex wasn’t anywhere in sight. As you took each step down the aisle, despite the smiles from Rafael and the reassuring looks from Liv, you felt like it was all wrong. Jerry was right. This wasn’t fair to Rafael at all, and in truth, it wasn’t really fair to you either. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him at this point. As you made it up to him and the priest started to speak, you knew what you had to do. “Dearly beloved,” he said, “We are gathered here today to--” 

“I object,” you said softly, and Rafael looked shocked. 

“I--I’m not even there yet,” the priest said,

“I object,” you said again, shooting Rafael a look that you hoped conveyed how truly sorry you were. 

“Oh gee,” Liv murmured. 

“What the hell is going on?” William asked, and you turned toward them, sighing, 

“I--I uh--I have something I need to say,” you whispered, “Um--hey Catalina, you doing okay?” you asked, and she smiled at you, snapping a picture. “Um, do you remember that day at the hospital?” you asked, “Of course you remember that day at the hospital,” you said, shaking your head at yourself, “Well, um, there was a little mix up, I saw Rafael get pushed onto the tracks, and uh, I saved his life, but when I got to the hospital, they wouldn’t let me see him, so um...the….someone told the doctor that I was his fiancée, only um...it’s not true,” you said softly, looking at them, and how their faces fell. You felt yourself starting to tear up. How the hell had you let it get this far, “I was never engaged to Rafael,” you said softly, breathing. You looked at him, and he looked so shocked. You mouthed a soft ‘I’m sorry,’ and he offered you a reassuring smile. “We never even met until that day on the tracks, and it’s just um….when we were in the hospital everything happened so fast, and I couldn’t tell you the truth, and then I didn’t want to tell you the truth because um….the truth was um that….I fell in love with you,” Sonny looked at you wide eyed from the audience,

“You fell in love with me?” he asked, sounding alarmed, and you laughed slightly through your tears, 

“No, no….yes, all of you,” you replied, smiling slightly, “All of you. I went from being all alone to being a fiancée, a daughter, a granddaughter, and friend. I might have saved your life on the tracks that day,” you said, turning to Rafael, “But you know what, you saved mine. You allowed me to be a part of your family, and I haven’t had that in a really long time,” you were choking up even more towards the end, “And I just didn’t want to let go of that,” you said softly. You sighed. “So even though it was just for a little while, I will love them always. I’m very sorry,” you said softly, “And um, I didn’t want us--you to start this with a lie because I uh...I really do care about you Rafael, and I hope….I just hope you don’t hate me,” 

“Hate you--” he started to respond, but then an all too familiar voice interrupted,

“I object to this wedding,” Alex called from the audience, barging in. The Priest rolled his eyes, sitting down, “The whole time you were out Rafael, Y/N was making a play at me--” 

“Save it Alex,” Rafael said sharply, “She told me anything. I was in a coma, and you, my oldest friend, made a play at and practically assaulted my--well sort of my fiancée. You’re disgusting. Not to mention what happened between us before everything,” 

“Alex, how could you?” Lucia said, sounding horrified, and then everyone was talking over each other and crowding the front of the room, and it was a perfect time for you to slip out, unnoticed. 

 

…………………………….

 

You were sitting at home, sort of moping, sort of feeling relieved to have everything off your chest. You turned off the lights to your Christmas tree, looking down at Percy who was softly meowing. You began to take ornaments down, putting them back in the box, when once again, there was a knock at the door. You went to answer, and there was Joe Jr. “Hey, Y/N,” he said softly, “I just wanted to say that uh….I’m sorry things didn’t work out with that guy,” he said softly, and you smiled. Joey was a good friend despite all his issues, “And um, you know right now, you should get in touch with the child within and um…..explore your feminine side and um…. don’t start eating cookies and cake and stuff like that cause you’ll blow up like my Aunt Roberta ya know and uh you deserve better than that so,” You hugged him as he trailed off, appreciating the sentiment. 

“So,” you said, “How are things going with Miss Third floor?” you asked, and he scoffed for a second before dissolving into sobs. You wrapped an arm around him, leading him into your apartment, “Aw Joey,” you said softly as he followed you, blubbering,

“Do you have any cookies?” he asked, and you hushed him,

“You know what, we can try on some of my shoes,” you said leading him in more, 

“Okay,” he whispered, sniffling. 

 

……………………………

 

You sat in your toll booth for the last time. It was time for you to change your life, to finally do the things you were too scared of before because you were tired of being miserable. As tokens dropped in, you took them, counting and smiling as you thought of Rafael and his green eyes. He had changed you, changed your life for the better. “Hey,” Chelsea said softly, “Your last day huh?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” you replied. She pulled you into a hug,

“I’m gonna miss you,” she said, and you smiled, saying your goodbyes as she left the booth. You took another token, and then an odd coin dropped into the slot. You frowned, looking at it finally realizing it was a Euro coin. You felt a smile pulling at your lips as you looked up and saw Rafael in a wheelchair, surrounded by his friends and family. 

“Y/N,” he said, smiling, and you laughed, looking at the coin, “I need to ask you a question,” he said. He blushed. “Can I come in there please?” he asked. 

“I can’t,” you replied, and he looked rejected, but then you continued, “Not without a token,” It was his turn to laugh and he dropped a token into the slot. You opened the turnstile for him, and he came in the booth, walking shakily on his own. He leaned in close, 

“Um, I know everything happened so fast, and now that everything's out in the open and we can start over and try again….I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with me sometime?” he asked softly, and you blushed, smiling and letting him invade your space. 

“Yes,” you whispered, “I wasn’t lying when I told you I really care about you,”

“I care about you too,” he replied, and then your lips were touching and your arms were around his neck and nothing had ever felt so perfect. He fit with you better than you could have ever expected. Later, the night of your wedding, after many months of dating, Rafael asked you, when it was that he became more than a figment of your imagination and you truly began to care about him and you told him, “It was while you were sleeping.” 


End file.
